When the clock strikes againTuesday was the day I anticipated ever since the week before. I knew I would be happy to be out of the house, even though it would be my only rest day for the entire week. It was a public holiday and I would be enjoying it with two of my greatest sisters God has given me.
Little did I know I would be meeting so many other people. Not that I mind the group. We talked and laughed. The talks were focused on our jobs, our colleagues. I was happy that this God-fearing group had totally avoided talking about God. If not, I would have shut my mouth, and my heart, for the rest of the day.
When the group resided and left my two sisters, another brother and me to attack the shopping mall, my mood was jovial. As usual, my mind was empty. I have no idea how long I have shunned God's voice away from my life. I just couldn't be bothered to do the counting.
We were really excited about the shopping. The people, the clothes, the food and the greatest of all, the company of each other. I may have avoided Christ because He is holy and I am not, but I still love christians because we are all sinners. As long as my dark side is hidden deep inside, I can still face them. I just can't bear to face God.
Then almost abruptly, I blurted out to my closest friend that I have not been praying for some time. With a surprised look she asked the most sensible question after that. "Why"?
"Oh, I've been busy with my work..." That was all I could say, regretting my promptness in spilling some signs of my weakness. I wasn't prepared to tell her the truth. And the next thing I know, I uttered, "I know "busy" is a lame excuse. It's something more than that. I have a lot of sins". What was I saying??? I have always been an introvert. Though I share many many things with this close friend of mine, I would have never thought I would tell her this shame that I have been carrying for some time.
Our conversation stopped after she said we-all-have-sins as a-matter-of-fact and we continued on with our clothes scouting. It was during dinner time that I did the utmost shocking thing. It was ... shocking to me.
Surrounded by three God-fearing brother and sisters, I confessed that I have not been talking to God because I have a sin which I would not wish to let go. It was too pleasurable, I said. All three were, I think, shocked but they only showed a slight surprise expression on their faces. And that was the start of a four-meek-people confession session. Each of us began sharing the human side of ourselves. The bitterness, the resentment, jealousy.....It was after sharing out some of my guilt, I felt I was ready to let it go. I was ready to ask God for deliverance and repentance and His forgiveness.
God is holy and therefore He wants us to be holy for His purposes. Satan will use every way to stop us from being used by God. Most of the time we blame satan for every slide and fall but to me, it was my small little desire that led a big hole for the devil to jump in and ignite the fire of sin. I came back home, talked to my close friend on the phone again and we prayed. It was like a whole new beginning again for me. But I guess for God, He was just pushing me to continue on the halfway journey. It will not be easy for me to draw close to Him so soon again but I must make the effort. I have stopped the clock that God put on my back for far too long. It is time to run again.
Gradually, it is ticking. May God strike the clock again.
