A Testimony
I have to think of a testimony for the mission trip. It was easy for me but yet, it was difficult.
Easy because I can think of many things to thank God for.
For instance, He is still with me even though I don't love Him as much.
Or, he didnt punish me with bolts and lightnings even though I don't exactly walk in rightenousness.
I have a good job, a happy family and great great friends.
Yet, I don't think I can say such things to the Ibans. I need to think of a specific example. A short story within the chapters of my life. Something significant that had happened recently.
Now that is hard.
I was surprised that I wasnt the only one who was having trouble with my walk with God.
It was during the small group meeting I had with a bunch of close friends (these brothers and sisters whom I love very much but I don't think they know that). One brother started the ball rolling. He, who initiated the informal bible study meeting, had us exposing our inner hurts and scars.
I didnt know so many of us had problems. Our relationship with God was turning cold because of different issues. That made me wonder.
Is this a strategy laid by the devil? Well, it could be. He can use many ways to divert our hearts from God. And somehow, in a way, he had succeeded.
Are we burning out? There's a possibility. We have been serving here and there. Then we started working and we don't exactly have much time for ourselves. So...reducing our time bit by bit with God and we just, sort of, drifted further.
Could it be our lack faith in mankind and even in God? I may bet on this one. A lot of things are happening, particularly within the Christianity community in my circle, in my life and that made me shun some of them. And since I have hurts and I probably am resentful towards them, I feel guilty and can't exactly face God with these emotions. Another member in the small group had trouble getting intimate with God ever since her dad passed away. She couldnt understand God's plan. My guess is, her confusion in God's plan had turned into a slight anger.
Yet, I have hope in all of us. We have one thing in common; our past. The trail that we have walked upon before with our beloved Father and Friend. That burning love that we used to have before doubts and uncertainties clouded our hearts. And most importantly, our ever loving, ever forgiving, kind and full of mercy God is still waiting for us.
We certainly do not know when God decides to take us back to Heaven. My pastor alerted me again that Jesus is coming back and we better be the watchful virgins instead of the foolish ones. If He decides to take me back today, can I face Him with who I am? Would He say "well done my good and faithful servant" with what I've done so far? I don't think so.
With that, I hope for a turnaround. I need to change. I need to let God change me.
And finally, I want to have a good testimony for God's beloved Ibans.
