Unfolding the Master's planThe past year, God had taught me to love.
I had learnt to love more of God, my family and my friends. And the significant lesson is to learn to love children...and men.
And that plan began to reveal after God readied me for Him last year.
All these years, due to my upbringing, I kept my loved ones in the dark about my feelings for them. As someone who is reserved, I don't know how to show appreciation. About why I don't like children, well, that's another story altogether. And I kept the door to my heart shut tight from the hands of men. I don't wish to go through any more undeserving heartbreaks.
But last year, I wanted more of God. As much as I was not able to appreciate human beings much, I wanted to love God more.
So I made a prayer weeks before I climbed Mt Murud last year. I told God, "I wanted to feel how You feel, to see what You see and to know Your heart".
God affirmed He heard my prayer when I was on the mountain.
"It will be a lonely and difficult path for you. I will break you and mold you. "
I didnt want that, so I asked why.
"Because you wanted to feel how I feel, to see what I see and to know My heart".
And that's when this plan started. To show me who He is. He, who is love (
1 John 4:16)
I have no idea when my tears started to come back to me. When pastors talked about suffering children, I would cry. When they talked about women in pain, those drops would just fall without warning.
I began to want to stay at home more for my parents. Particularly, for my dad, who's name is not written in the "Great Book" yet. I need him to know, amidst all the serving that my mom, sis and myself are involved in, we still love him dearly. He does not understand God's love, and, so, I want to show him that, as much as I can.
Then, a man walked into my life. I did not know how to show him I care but he taught me how. I learnt that as much as I enjoy listening to people, I need to voice out my own thoughts and appreciation too. Yet, it is through the same man, I learnt the pain of being lied to and how I had to deal with mending a crushed heart again.
It is after this man has walked out of my life that I asked God why He allowed this to happen. Even after strings of confirmation from Him for me to open my heart to this man.
Then He reminded me, "I will break you and mold you. Because you wanted to feel how I feel, to see what I see and to know My heart".
Throughout this healing period, I made myself available to serve a group of children in a village. I began to see the future of these kids, who will grow up to be true followers of Christ and to lead more to be like them. I see how much God wants to reveal Himself to them. Because He loves them so much. And I began to love them too, until they are a part of me now.
I'm confiding in a group of girl friends more than ever. I enjoy opening up to them. Telling them how I feel. Pouring out my love and appreciation for them. They gave me hope in true friendship in this temporary world and I thank God every day for them.
It is a difficult path and I know it is only the beginning. There is still so much to learn so that I can be like Him. But I pray I will stand firm. A God who can die for and stand by me faithfully, losing Him is too much to bear.
What good will it be if I were to gain the whole world but to lose my soul? (
Matthew 16:26)
Lord, as You slowly unfold Your plan to me, I humbly bow and submit myself to You.
