Divided
I emailed my future boss to ask whether I should study on anything prior to joining in January. And at the same time, asked on how long would I be needed in the team.
My boss answered me in a flowery email and told me no need to prepare anything.....and it seems that the 3 years of rotation...I'll only be shifting around in the same HR IT organisation in damansara...but to different teams.....
Why do I sound so shocked? sebab..i want to go to cyberjaya..where I can be near to Jane'nette they all and get extra cash for transport allowance (another RM1K).... and now..it seemed impossible..well, at least for the first 3 years...to be honest, I was most disappointed because I was really focused on the money.
And...during the interview session..i got 4 assessors...there was one chinese and the only malaysian lady whom I felt I didnt give her a good impression of myself.... and now...she would now be my direct supervisor/manager......
And this evening I was still in a dilemma whether I should leave NST because I am really comfortable with my current job. 28 days of leave, hefty sum of OT money, flexible working time cum lunch hours and most importantly I have no stress at all since day one of joining the firm.
I'll lose all those when I masuk Shell. That fear of moving to a new territory has been mounting ever since I signed Shell's offer letter. I'll be restricted to a chair and a desktop. Bound by time and the limited leaves had left knots in my heart. I was even more reluctant after I told my 3 NST supervisors that I'll be handing in my resignation letter tomorrow and 2 of them asked me to hold onto the letter because they won't let me go while a senior of mine cried because she's gonna miss my presence.
Time and time again..I've been asking God...is this really You working? Do You really want me to leave? If yes..do this...if no..don't do it...and every time, He did it...then I'll question Him again..Lord...is this really You? Or is it because satan is pretending to be You so that I'll move? Pretty funny of me eh?
I'm not a freaked minded person but this time, my heart is really cut into two.
After I did my devotion, God didnt speak to me through the scriptures but there was an urgency to check my mails. That was when I saw the mails sent by my future boss from Shell.
Numb by the news but yet...I was smiling to myself. Am really excited. I can feel the urge of embracing a new challenge. And immediately, all the doubts that I had were gone.
God gave me peace, with myself and with Him. I hope later on, when I go through any hardship in Shell, I can still cling onto Him and remember what I said here.
