A Pilgrim's Journey
I don't really exercise. And for someone like me who has balancing problems, I dislike walking up and down a hill. So, the trip to climb a 2,000 plus metres mountain in Sarawak to pray was an upheaval task for me. Still, I had a mission to fulfill and I needed to go.
I endured the painful thought of slipping and falling off a cliff in order to seek God's face, see His glory and to hear His voice. That was my ultimate prayer request.
Five of us took 2 planes to reach a small town in Sarawak on Wednesday. There, we met up with another 19 people from various places in the country. So, on the wee hours of a fateful Thursday morning at 4am, we took off on 2 Hiluxes and a 7-hour bumpy ride to our destination.
We reached the bottom of the prayer mountain at about 10.30am and had a picnic lunch. At approximately 11.30 am, we started our climb.
It was tough.
I was only through the jungle for about 30 minutes and I was already panting. I endured on and the slippery climb stopped after 3 hours. We reached a wooden bridge and even this was hard. The wood planks were old and easily broken. I stepped onto one and had a bruise. The planks were slippery and at times, the path would be disconnected because there were too many damaged planks to cross over, that we had to route towards the jungle path. That took us another 2 hours. Then, it was off to another 1 hour mountain climbing.
When we saw rooftops, we shouted Hallelujah! Thank You Jesus for bringing us safely! It was freezing and we were hungry! We rested for the night in a hut and waited excitedly for the next day. The first day of our prayer service.
When we got into the church hall at 8am, I could immediately feel God's presence. There were about 400 people in the wooden hall but God's presence was stronger. I was in awe. When the worship session began, I couldnt help but shed tears. His love and His glory was too overwhelming. Then, I saw Jesus on His throne in Heaven and He was surrounded by angels. There I was, kneeling down at a small corner, not wanting to look at Him because I was so unworthy and not wanting to join the angels' choir because I was so undeserving. Yet, He heard us sing and He stretched our His hands. He wanted more of us.
We prayed for so long. After the service break at 3.30pm, we resumed again at 8pm and prayed again. We prayed for the people, we prayed for the nation, we prayed for our families.
Then, the next day, I finally found some time to pray for myself.
I said, Lord, I've seen Your face and seen Your glory, when will I hear you? After some time and with no response, I felt a bit agitated and I started to "demand" for His voice. That's when the rebuke came.
"Check your heart". And I went defensive. What is there to check?
"Check your heart. You have pride in your heart."
I was stunned. And I immediately cried for forgiveness.
I thought I had changed. I thought by giving up my previous job, I would have lowered my pride level again. Apparently, I have not.
And I cried in repentance and I pleaded to God to not pass me by. I begged Him to change me.
And then, there was a sweep of comfort and I stopped crying and sucked the feeling in.
"I'm gonna break you. It's gonna be a difficult and lonely path for you".
I was terrified. Why must it be difficult, Lord? Why?
"Because You asked to feel what I'm feeling in my heart and to see what I see with my eyes".
And yes, I remember my own prayer weeks ago. I wanted to be closer to Jesus and I want to know Him more. And I had made that prayer.
I cried again.
I was troubled the whole day. Comforted that He spoke, though very little, yet disturbed of what He had spoken. Then that night, a friend dropped me a verse via SMS and I was instantly assured and encouraged that there is nothing to fear.
Then it was the awful climb down the mountain again. It took us 4.5 hour this time! PRAISE GOD!
Would I want to go again? Only if God calls!
