Sorrow and hope Never had I been so heartbroken. I cried so loud my sobbing even surprised me. I couldn't even stop myself. Never had I felt so rejected.

I knew the children were watching. They must be wondering. But my heart was so crushed that I could not think about their feelings.

Feelings. That was it. I had kept my emotions hidden for a while. I wanted to obey God in all I do. I tried my best to keep my needs aside. I think, I got exhausted. I wished for some attention. And, the well burst opened.

I left myself vulnerable. I hoped there would be no attack. But, the sword went straight for my heart.

My first instinct was to build up a high wall again. A wall that I had taken down years ago. A wall that could keep me safe and without feeling hurt again.

But, was that what God wanted? Would He be pleased? No, He would not. I already knew the answer.

My flesh is so weak. Dying to self is tough. But my God has done everything for me and I owe Him everything. I have no right to demand for an exception.

Lord, I need help. I have received Your love. Please, teach me. How to love.


  ¶ 10:24 PM